a gentle hand will guide you home
by applesandcherries
Summary: After taking Hunt up on his offer for a drink, Kate finds that things don't end up the way she envisioned them - but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Will this night out be what she needs to finally confront Castle? Post-ep for The Limey
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** a gentle hand will guide you home

**Author:** applesandcherries / phoenix-cry

**Rating:** T

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything, I'm just taking them out to play. I'll put them back when I'm done.

**Pairing:** Castle/Beckett/Hunt, but not really?

**A/N:** Just to be perfectly clear: my shipper heart belongs to Castle and Beckett. Those two idiots seriously need to get their acts together. That being said, if Castle were out of the picture (Gods forbid), Colin Hunt and Kate Beckett would make gorgeous, gorgeous babies. Just sayin'.

**Summary:** After taking Hunt up on his offer for a drink, Kate finds that things don't end up the way she envisioned them - but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Will this night out be what she needs to finally confront Castle?

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><p>His lips slid against hers, soft but insistent, and she moaned when she felt his tongue gently prod against the seam of her lips. Opening her mouth to his silent request, she tangled her tongue with his, just as her fingers tangled themselves in his hair. The press of his body against her chest and the solid pressure of the wall at her back had her pulling at his neck, needing him closer still. The music of the bar thrummed through the wall and into her back, sending delicious tingles down her spine. His hands followed the invisible path the music traveled through her body, intensifying the feel of electricity on her skin. Breaking away from her lips, his mouth sought the long column of her neck, warm lips and wet tongue doing their utmost to drive her crazy.<p>

Gasping, as the tip of his tongue flicked against that one spot that always managed to make her knees go weak _(God, how did he know that?), _and her hips jerk closer to his, she tugged on his hair and brought his mouth back up to dance some more against hers. Her other hand, not currently busy with making a mess of his hair, caressed its way down his muscular back until it settled on his hip. Using its new vantage point, she urged him closer. He heeded her call at once, gently sliding one of his legs between hers. She moaned when he pressed against her, just where she needed it most. Kate knew this was not the place to let this go any further – even if the dimmed lights barely reached the darkened corner they had found themselves in, this was still a public bar – but the adrenaline and frustration of the day made her bold. Pressing down onto the thigh he had wedged between her own, she let him swallow another sound of her approval with his hot mouth, wondering if he could already feel the wetness pooling at her center, even more so when he pressed against the small of her back and urged her closer against his obvious excitement. The hand on his hip sneaked further around his toned _(oh, was it ever – she had a hard time forgetting, ever since he gave her that sneak peek. Eh, who was she kidding – she definitely got more than a peek of him) _body and wriggled her fingers between his shirt and his waistband, suddenly desperate to feel his skin.

"Kate," he breathed into her ear, "slow down, darling."

His accent washed over her, simultaneously managing to drive fire through her veins and dump ice water down her back.

Wrestling with her body's reactions and her heart's desires, she leaned back as far as she could, in order to catch his eyes. They were practically smoldering with desire, making her shut her own eyes against that knowledge, shame and guilt beginning to consume her body. But why? She asked herself. Why should she feel bad about this? Her..._partner – _even in her mind, the word was dripping with sarcasm, longing, frustration, anger and love – had made it abundantly clear that she was not worth the effort anymore. The thought alone send a sharp stab of pain through her heart. In fact, he was probably doing much more right now, than making out against a wall in a dark corner of some seedy bar. Blonde-Bimbo-what's-her-face was surely seeing to that.

"Kate?"

Her eyes snapping open, she stared into the handsome face before her, his brows currently drawn with concern, his fingers delicately stroking her cheek. "What's wrong?" he asked, barely loud enough to reach her ears over the beat of the music, but his worry was clear. She shook her head slightly, wanting to dispel his concern for her. She didn't deserve it.

"I'm sorry, Colin...I just...My head's not fully in the game tonight. There's so much going on up there. And I don't know how to handle any of it right now. It's just a whole bunch of confusion."

He smiled softly at her and leaned forward to press a kiss to her forehead. "This is about Castle, isn't it?"

Without her permission – and much to her embarrassment – her lower lip started trembling with just the mention of that man's _(that stupid, stupid man)_ name. Squeezing her eyes shut in an attempt to get her emotions under control, she was mortified when Colin's soft whisper of "Oh, darling" against her skin wrenched a sob from deep in her chest. Strong arms encircled her trembling body and pressed her against his chest.

Then the dam broke.

Sob upon sob tore itself free, only to be muffled against the soft cloth of his shirt; hot, wet tears spilling from beneath her eyelids, only to be soaked up by that same fabric. He whispered nonsense into her ear, his voice trying to wash away her pain, just as much as the gentle stroke of his hand against her back served as an anchor against the torrent that threatened to drown her.

"I'm sorry!" she gasped out, as soon as she managed to catch her breath again, several long moments later. "I'm so sorry! Please forgive me. I didn't mean for you to get tangled up in the mess that is my love life. Or lack thereof." Not having the energy to lift her head off his shoulder, she hoped her mumbled words managed to reach his ears nonetheless.

"Hey," his fingers under her chin urged her to look at him and she sniffled when all she saw was understanding in his eyes. "I had my suspicions that there was something going on, but still I asked you out for a drink. My suspicions were confirmed when you declined. You were not exactly subtle with the look you threw back at Castle, you know?" he said, but his words held no sting, just gentle teasing. "I accepted your change of mind for what it was – a chance to spend more time with you. I do enjoy your company, Kate. You're one of the most compelling, most intelligent and certainly most stunning women I've ever had the pleasure of crossing paths with. I would've been a fool to pass that up. But still, I was under no illusion that we would ride into the metaphorical sunset together. So, don't worry about me, darling. I just don't like to see you hurting so much. And whatever happened between Castle and yourself, that man is a bloody idiot for choosing that blonde doll over you."

She gave him a watery chuckle. "You know, if I weren't so crazy about another guy, and dear God is he driving me crazy, I would not waste another minute, but take you back to my place and chain you to my bed, never to be released again. The woman that will some day capture your heart better know how lucky she is, or she's answering to me."

Hunt laughed softly, sympathy and adoration swirling in his eyes. "Look at us, what a pair we make." He pressed one more gentle kiss to her still swollen lips, before stepping back to give her some room to breath – and give his body a chance to cool down. That woman probably did not know the full extent of the power she held over the male species. He smirked at his thoughts. Probably quite a large number of females as well.

Kate laughed with him, not aware of his thoughts, while trying to dry her cheeks of the damp tracks her tears had left on her face. Rummaging in the breast pocket of his suit jacket, he thanked his lucky stars that he always kept a clean hanky in there. You never knew when you would need one. Dabbing gently at her cheeks with the soft cloth, he helped her get rid of the evidence of her breakdown, still thankful that he could be there to help her through it. She did not strike him as the type of woman to openly show any sort of perceived weakness, so this was the least he could do to repay her.

When he was sure that she had her emotions back under control – and he his bodily reactions to her, he spoke, "Come on, then, let's get you home. Or maybe we should stop at Castle's place so that I can punch him in the face." He added, only half joking.

Kate laughed, a full laugh this time, and he knew that he could become addicted to that sound very quickly. Oh, he was in trouble.

"Thanks for the offer, but I think I have to deal with him another way. First, I have to figure out what I did wrong. I have a feeling he's not the only one at fault here. Even if he's been a stubborn jackass and refused to talk to me," she admitted, her brow furrowing at the thought of Castle's too perky and too false smirk and the back of his head every time she tried to talk to him.

Wrapping his arm securely around her small waist, Colin lead her through the crowd and out onto the sidewalk. The wind was chilly and she was glad for his warmth at her side, while they waited for a free cab. He gave her shoulder an encouraging squeeze as he saw one pull up and turned her to face him. His lips ghosted over her forehead one last time, a goodbye and a good luck wish all in one. "Just don't give up. Love is worth fighting for, or so I've heard," he grinned at her and she couldn't help grinning back. In another life, she could easily see herself falling for this man. In this life, however, her heart stubbornly refused to belong to anyone but the man currently in the process of breaking it.

"Thank you, Detective Inspector Hunt. Take good care of yourself. And...don't be a stranger, if you're ever back in New York?"

He opened the cab's door for her and half leaned in after she had climbed into the backseat. "I promise I'll get in touch then. Be safe, Kate Beckett."

And as he watched her cab merging with all the others, he truly wished those two would be able to work out their problems.

_(And if not...well, he would surely visit New York again. After all, he never got any sightseeing done.)_

_~fin (?)_

A/N2: Do you guys want me to continue this? Let me know if there is any interest in a second chapter. Thanks for reading! :)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I'm terribly sorry this took me so long! I hope there are some of you still left, who will want to read this. At least I got it up before Castle tonight, huh? Have fun reading and Happy Castle Monday, guys!

Biting her lip and smoothing her shirt over her hips for the umpteenth time since leaving the familiar comfort of her Crown Vic two blocks down, she let her tingling bottom lip finally pop free from between her teeth to take a deep, steadying breath.

She could do this.

Curling her slightly trembling fingers into a fist, she reached out to knock on the door. She was relieved when she managed to put some force behind it. This was no time to be gentle. Not with the door, and not with its owner either.

Several seconds passed until the door swung open, revealing her partner's _(former partner's?)_ mother on the other side.

"Kate!" the diva exclaimed, and the younger woman could clearly see the surprise and hesitation warring in her eyes. "What can I do for you?"

Kate also doesn't miss the omission of the endearment she usually got bestowed with. She had to clear her throat to get rid of the lump stuck there. "I...was wondering if Castle had a few minutes to talk to me. I...it's really important."

A too-long second passed, in which Kate had the feeling of being in her interrogation room – only on the other side of her usual seat – until the older woman finished her scrutiny and stepped away from the door to allow her entrance.

"He's taking a shower at the moment, but he should be out shortly. I'll let him know you are here. Why don't you take a seat on the couch?" Kate nodded and followed her advice, slowly sinking into the soft cushions after shucking her jacket and draping it over the back of the couch.

"Would you like a drink, while you wait?"

He throat felt parched, so she nodded and asked for a water.

A minute later the glass was handed to her and then Martha went through his office door. A moment later, she could hear her knocking on Castle's bedroom door, softly calling out to him and telling him that he had company waiting. On her way back, the older woman gave her a curt nod, before heading up the stairs.

Then, Kate was alone.

Sighing, she leaned back against the couch and closed her eyes for a minute, last night's happenings replaying in her head over and over again. _God, what had she done? _Her guilty conscience was rearing its head again. Groaning at the chaos reigning in her head, she propped her elbows on her knees and buried her face in her hands. When had this..._thing_ with Castle gotten so complicated? Well, more complicated than it had ever been before? Since when had he held the power to crush her heart, with just a few well-placed words? Since when had he held the power to hurt her so much that it caused her to go out for drinks with random men? _And make out with them, too, Kate_. She wished her brain would shut up.

She wished they could just go back to their old normal.

She wished for a lot of things.

The opening of his office door made her hesitantly lift her head from its hiding spot.

"Hey," she croaked, when her eyes met his blue ones – the usual warmth in them when he looked at her still lacking.

"Beckett," he greeted shortly. "What are you doing here?"

Taking a deep breath to steel herself for the coming conversation, her hands came down, gripping her knees tightly. "We need to talk, and you know it. And if you decide to flee from me every time, the very moment I open my mouth to have a conversation with you, then I have no choice but to corner you here."

"Maybe I just don't think there's anything left to talk about. Or maybe I just don't want to talk to you anymore, Beckett, since everything that comes out of your mouth seems to be a lie anyways."

She sucked in a breath, feeling as if he had punched her in the gut. "What?" She stuttered, suddenly feeling dizzy. And not at all in control anymore. Well, she couldn't have that. "What are you talking about? And don't say nothing! Even if you don't want to ever talk to me anymore, at least have the decency to tell me why!"

He snorted a laugh, the sound making her feel even worse, since it wasn't a sound she had ever heard from him before. She wished she never had to again.

"_You_ talk to me about decency? Beckett, if you had had the decency to come clean to me _months_ ago, we wouldn't even be in this situation right now!"

"See? All you do is talk in riddles and I still have no clue why the hell you are so pissed at me! What did I do, Castle? What did I do to make you hate me so much?"

For a moment he was silent, seeming to ponder her words, or how to respond. When he finally spoke again, his voice had lost all of its anger, sadness and hurt reigning instead. "You lied to me, Kate. Several times, I asked you what you remembered of...that day. And every time, you lied to me. Do you have any idea how I felt when I had to hear you telling a low-life thief what I had been waiting to hear since forever? What were your words? Oh, yes. 'I was shot in the chest and I remember every second of it.' Weren't these your words, Kate?"

All she could do was stare at him, her mouth trying for form words, but no sound managed to come out.

Castle sighed deeply, when she remained silent. "That's why I couldn't continue as if nothing had happened. The woman I love...The woman I told I had deep feelings for, obviously didn't return them and just chose to string me along instead. But hate? I could never hate you, Kate. That's why I had to get some distance from you. I had hoped that, with time, I could eventually stop caring about you so fucking much."

He had been staring at the floor during his speech, but now he prepared to look at her. There was no way she could ignore his declaration now, was there? Lifting his eyes, he was surprised when he saw tears streaming down her face.

"Castle. Damn you," she managed between sniffles. "You have no idea how much power you hold over me, have you? I've been in therapy, Castle. I had to go see a therapist to be cleared back for active duty, obviously, but I went back and have been seeing him regularly since then. I have been ranting and sobbing my heart out to him. About work, about my mom's case, about the mess that I am. About you. All because I wanted to be better. I wanted to be more. Don't you remember our conversation in that park? On the swings? That was all for you, Castle. I wanted to be better – for you! In all those years shadowing me, have you learned nothing about me? I'm not an open book, Castle. I don't wear my heart on my sleeve and it's fucking difficult for me to open up to people, especially when pressured. I understand that it had to be the worst possible scenario under which to find out that I remembered, after all, but still. I thought you knew me! I thought you would at least talk to me instead of acting out and parading bimbos in front of my face and doing your utmost to rip my heart out. I hurt you, so you had to get me back for it, is that it?" Angrily wiping the tears off her cheeks, she took a deep breath and then went on, "Well, guess what, Castle. I do love you! And you really did manage to hurt me with that last comment you threw at me. You want fun and uncomplicated? I just found out that I can be fun and uncomplicated...well, mostly fun, the other day. Hunt asked me out for drinks and at first, I said no. I wanted to try talking to you again, see if I could get the Castle back that I know and love, but you shot me down again and when you left for another date with your _flight attendant_, you managed to step on my heart on your way out, too. So what did I do, in a moment of stupidity? I called Hunt back and got that drink with him. And then I ended up making out with him in a seedy bar and I have been feeling guilty and like shit ever since. I can't stop thinking about it and I feel as if I cheated on you, even though you made it clear that you didn't want anything to do with me anymore. So tell me, why should I feel guilty about kissing another guy, Castle?" Quite out of breath and emotionally exhausted, Kate finally ended her tirade.

Castle, meanwhile, swallowed hard and finally sank onto the seat across from her, his knees weak. Trying to process everything she had just told him, he rubbed a hand over his face. "Look at us," he mumbled, before dropping his hand, letting it hang limply between his knees. "How did we get so messed up?"

Kate let out a laugh, which sounded suspiciously like a sob. "I have been asking myself something along those lines, too."

Clearing his throat and trying desperately to blink away the tears gathering in his eyes - he was just so frustrated and confused and he didn't know what to do with all of these feelings anymore – he forced himself to meet her eyes again. They were just as glassy as his probably were. "I can't say that I can just forget what happened. I can't make these feelings of betrayal just go away, or forget the pain I've been feeling for the past week, but I can't forget all which you've just told me, either. I had no idea that you were seeking professional help – I had my suspicions, I was hoping, yes, but I didn't know. I also can't forget that you just told me you love me, and I don't want to forget that. Ever. And yes, hearing you say it, finally, does lift the hurt a little, and you probably have no idea how happy, how elated it makes me, but I need some time to forgive you, Kate. I also can't forget that you got way too close with Mr. Scotland Yard – and I also wish I would be able to get those images out of my head," he smirked slightly at that, more self-deprecating than anything else, "but I will try. Just...please give me some time to work through it, Kate?"

She nodded, more than thankful that he was apparently giving her another chance. "I'm sorry, Castle. I'm sorry for being such a mess and that you have to put up with me. You have been so patient up until now and, really, I couldn't – shouldn't – be asking you for another chance, but...I'm being selfish now and take what I can get. And the least I can do is give you some time. It's my turn now, right?"

He got up from his seat and made his way around the table to her side. Sinking into the cushions next to her, he took her hand and gave it a squeeze, before releasing it again. "Being selfish from time to time is only human, Kate. As is being a childish jackass, apparently," he said, his eyes twinkling slightly. God, how she had missed that sight. Not being able to resist, she reached up and let her fingertips trail over the soft skin under his left eye. The contact lasted for all of two seconds, but those two seconds managed to make her heart swell with emotion. All for him. Especially when she saw his eyes close and a deep sigh escaping his lungs.

Biting her lip, she brought her hand back into her lap, her other hand reaching out to wring it for a moment, before stilling. "I guess I should get going. I promised Martha I'd only take a few minutes of your time. I think I've long since overstayed my welcome," she declared, a slight teasing note to her voice.

He grunted quietly, shrugging his shoulders. "Mother has probably locked herself in her room with one of my finer bottles of red wine and I won't see her again until at least noon tomorrow."

Kate laughed softly, relief pouring off of her in waves at the return of their old bantering, but got up anyways. "Nonetheless, I think it's better if I leave now. We both have some more to think about."

He nodded and got up when she did, grabbing her coat before she could. Kate beamed at him when he held it out for her. How a simple gesture like this could say so much, she wondered. He settled it over her shoulders and swiped her hair free, before resting one hand on the small of her back and accompanying her to the door.

Opening it, he leaned against the door frame after she had stepped into the hallway. "I'll see you tomorrow," he stated, and her smile turned shy, but the happiness still remained in her eyes.

Nodding, she reached out to give his arm a squeeze. "I'll have the coffee waiting."

He laughed, the first laugh that wasn't forced or fake in what seemed like years. "I'm looking forward to my morning coffee, then."

The warm tingling she felt between her shoulder blades, as she walked to the elevator, told her that they would be alright.

Eventually.

_~fin _

A/N2: Thanks for reading! Let's hope those two manage to have a talk tonight, too! Leave me a review before you go? :)


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